Even though we may realize that we need therapy, some of us are reluctant to seek professional help. Taking the first step can be one of the biggest challenges.
It is helpful to narrow down what is worrying you about the idea of therapy.
1. I am afraid of revealing my thoughts, feelings.
Maybe you have a few secrets that you rarely disclose. Some people worry that therapists will be able to force them to expose these things they have thus far kept secret. In the past there have been some forms of therapy that aimed at ‘liberating’ or purging vulnerable or threatening thoughts, feelings and/or, secrets. Often it was aggressive in its methods. Most psychotherapies practiced at this time realize how futile and sometimes damaging this approach is.
In Jungian analysis as well as the “parts” therapy that I practice, there is a respect for these internal decisions to do with defense. We now understand that secret and sensitive feelings, thoughts, secrets are protected for a good reason. Difficult early circumstances in one’s life can mobilize unconscious inner defenses which automatically react in behaviours that wish to guarantee that the hurt parts will be protected and never suffer in the same way again. Without our defenses, we many not have survived. In time, however, the defenses may not be so necessary. As we go through experiences in adulthood, other parts can assess situations which can choose healthy behaviours. Yet it is next to impossible to convince the older protective parts that the threat is not so great, or even still exists. What is being protected continues to feel highly sensitive, shameful, or destructive. Defenses must be respected and the therapeutic pace, to be effective, must be set entirely by the psyche. Sometimes there may be great lulls, sometimes the work takes a significant leap forward–all at the pace set by the psyche.
Moreover, in the “parts” work, we understand that there is a specialized part designed to protect sensitive, secret information. A “protector” part of the client (a part we all have) can be consulted and it will be charged with the job of halting the discussion if we are approaching areas which have been considered too vulnerable or threatening to the psyche. When the protector and manager parts of the personality learn to trust the process, they realize that it is to the benefit of the overall health of the whole personality that the work continue. (For more information on how the psyche functions with its different parts, see my page on “Working with our Inner Parts”).
2. The therapist has special knowledge that will see through me and know my secrets.
Required training programs teach therapists how to navigate the blocks and troubling issues that most of us face throughout our lives. Some therapists gain insight over the years. Those tools, combined with whatever a client wishes to reveal, are all the knowledge a therapist possesses.
This is an important point because, in fact, the process is a partnership. Working together, client and therapist can grapple with those blocks and issues so that the client may eventually experience a calmness in their psyche as well as a new awareness of their potential. A therapist can neither “see through” a client, nor can she or he “cure” a client singlehandedly.
3. Only people who are really crazy seek therapy.
This belief is prevalent in our culture because of an old stigma that, with some people, still clings to mental illness. While we may keep ourselves healthy by going to the doctor, naturopath, physiotherapist or chiropractor, mental health, by contrast, has been slow to achieve equal status on that list. When you think about it, we need help from professionals to help us in our mental impasses and crises as much as we need medical help for physical problems. Most therapists I know seek help from another therapist when, from time to time, things become more confusing or challenging– and as far as I can tell, that is part of life.
Sometimes, a round of therapy can make all the difference in how the rest of our life is lived. Many people come in for some therapy in order to help them find meaning in their lives when circumstances have changed. When we have to redefine ourselves and our life’s goals because of, for example, job loss, or the “empty nest” situation, feelings that life has become meaningless, or loss of a family member– any of these situations can bring us to a place where what we have been doing doesn’t work anymore and we don’t know where to turn. Therapy can help us find renewal and richness within ourselves.
4. I should be able to deal with my own thoughts and feelings?
While resourcefulness is a valuable quality, asking for help and connecting with others is equally important. When we are sick, we easily consult healthcare professionals to assist in our healing. There are many things we cannot do alone. And, as I said, a healthy therapist does not hesitate to see their own therapist when they reach an impasse in their life.
5. The therapist knows me or my friends and will tell others about me.
This is often a fear of clients who live in a small town. Confidentiality codes ensure that everything concerning the client remains safe from any exposure to a third party.
The only exceptions (which are required by law) concern:
- physical or sexual child abuse, even if the abuser is an adult now and there is reason to believe that the accused abuser is in a position to abuse other children
-a situation in which a client threatens serious physical harm to either himself/herself or to someone else
– in which case, the therapist must report it to legal authorities.
Any information that I may collect during sessions is kept in a secure location and will not be used without client consent. And while I invariably run into clients in public situations, we can enjoy a friendly encounter without anyone else knowing we are doing therapeutic work together.
6. Therapy doesn’t work.
In the same way that some medical problems can be challenging to solve, some inner, emotional problems can be defended by strong, defiant protectors who are not willing, at that particular time, to allow any changes. Sometimes this is a matter of time. Eventually, under different circumstances, or with a different therapeutic approach, perhaps the psyche will be ready to enter the process of restoring health to its system.
